The following statements were taken from my dream journal and will be written as it is in the notebook. Incorrect grammar and improper use of punctuations and SVA are to be expected.
I dreamt about Steve Aoki last night, which is this guy:
He’s an Asian-American electro house musician and I found out about him just this year. I preferred him more than Skrillex. (Shit, what a hot picture of him. I must calm myself down.) I do not know why I dreamt about him for the first time, last night. It was unexpected. But because I really want to have some proof why he was in my dream last night, I must say, maybe I liked his post on Facebook just before I went to sleep. I mean, I always do.
I don’t know about me and guys with long hair.
Anyway, this is how my dream went:
********************
steve aoki came into my house last night.
we had a party at my house and i think i invited him thru text. i think we’re pretty close that time, the dating kinda thing. i waited for him at the living room, i was wearing my favorite oversized jacket. i look sick and tired. when he arrived, my family were the only ones who witnessed because he came earlier, maybe because i dont want him to get caught up with fans.
he sat right beside me and we talked awkwardly, i think we already met before and i think we have mutual feelings for each other because i felt like i have to awkwardly talk to him because my parents were there and i dont like them to think that he is my boyfriend.
i saw him texting and i think i read the text. i had a feeling that it was another girl. he even hid his phone right away. he was wearing white vneck and his hair was long and messy. he had big eyebags but god he was so hot.
after i saw the text, i felt betrayed so i told him to eat and then left him just that. i went to the bedroom, our house was like in tipolo, so it was really small. while laying in bed, i imagined him being entertained by my mom, then he should go over the buffet and get food. afterwards, he should sit in one of the chairs and eat. then he should be full and sit down somewhere.
when he was finished, i saw him sit on a chair with some few people and he was just there, silent and very very awkwardly texting or maybe he was tweeting.
in the room came my cousins bringing the dogs inside. i saw a labrador, or maybe it was romeo, then darla suddenly became hush brown, and another dog i have no idea what kind but i know he was hush brown too. my mind just couldnt get his image right now.
they were playing on the bed and god the dogs were so polite. darla lay in bed in a funny position which made everyone of us laugh especially me, and i kind of laughed more because i wanted him to see me laughing. lol. i had a view of him from where i was seated in bed and he had a clear view of me too but i doubt he was even looking.
after that, my dream suddenly brought me into the setting of our new house, here in liloan. there were lots of people. lotssss. super. i think we had some kind of culminating activity here inside our house for fucks sake i dont know why. i was seated at a sofa and because i think i was so sick, i occupied most of the sofa with my whole body on it, my lower part covered with blanket so people wont see my legs.
i had a good view of the presentation here. the presentors started singing. and there was a video on the projector and i think it was one of the works of the students there.
the students were i believe, from san carlos. because i saw some of my classmates there too, only, this culminating activity was a CAS subject, just like what we did in polsci.
i tried connecting to the wifi to check steve aoki’s twitter coz i am pretty sure he tweeted something about his stay here.. or not. i just had to make sure he is okay. because i dont see him anywhere. i was looking for him. but because of what he did awhile ago, i kind of flipped over and realized that i am just one of his fans and that he could never love me as a lover but only one of his fans and girl toy.
i saw a tweet and it was a photo of him jumping over a wall. the caption was, “made a jump over a wall my heart fell”
i felt like wow. i assumed that “my heart fell” was for me. you know how my mind works. i suddenly felt bad because i took him for granted. that he shouldnt be left alone because he was my visitor. so i searched the crowd to find him, but i didnt leave my seat. i was just right there raising my head and scanning.
then he stood from a chair. lol, so he was still sitting on that chair all this time. how bad am i!
i think he got annoyed because of the presentation that he decided he should get out of here and it is a crappy party. he passed through the students performing and there he was, going towards me, and my mind was thinking he found me and that he came to say goodbye. so i got my legs off from the sofa to make room for him but when he came closer to me now with his head bowed down to gesture that he is excusing himself, he pretended i was invisible. i was never there.. and then i saw him, i saw his face, his eyebags, his thick eyebrows, his hair so long at each sides of his face lowered down because he was bowing his head through the crowd.
i forced myself to not look at him and pretend that i didnt see him as well. shit, my ego.
he passed by some of my classmates, alexander mendoza and mark lester estremos, lol i dont know why mark lester was there and they were even friends with alexander haha, and i am sure alex recognized him so i looked out the window to see them follow steve to look further.
i put my legs back on the sofa and this time, i was close to crying so hard.
i pushed him away. i took him for granted. fuck. steve aoki and i just treated him like he was just some boy?!! what was i thinking!!! this is insane, i wanna cry so bad.
and then somebody accidentally touched my feet. he was leaning his hands on the sofa and he accidentally put his hands on my feet. i sensed some pain but i was too depressed to feel the pain. my heartache is stronger than the ache on my feet.
i saw the guy and he was that guy in cafa. a friend of paco. i dont know his name, but i really know his face. i always see him in cafa looking at me, and i sensed some aura between us that really wanted to collide because i stare at him for awhile, and he would too. but it’s always complicated. we dont know each other and he is too popular for me.
but he was at my party. at my house. on the sofa where i was seated. he accidentally touched my feet as he leans his hand. he said sorry, he smiled and fuck this shit, i smiled as well and told him it was okay. i dont know why i didnt get my feet off the sofa but i think i was just too sick to even care and hurt after steve aoki left.
i see alex and lester enter the room and went to the sofa adjacent to mine. when alex sat, i looked at him and i felt like he was happy because he just saw something that would make him happy. and i remembered he was a fan of steve aoki, so maybe thats why. and then he said in an accomplished way, he was smiling and in a middle volumed voice, he said “STEVE AOKI” with a very emphasized tone.
and then i started to feel guilty. if i never left him at the first place, he would have never left and he will be sitting on the sofa with me now so i dont have to bring my legs on the sofa instead. if i never left him, my classmates would see me with him and they would recognize him and they would all be whispering things about us and talking about how lucky i am to even get in touch with him. if i never left him my classmates would think i am the coolest and that i have the coolest boyfriend in the world. i should have stopped him and asked him why he is leaving so soon. i should have stopped him by touching his arm so he could notice me and he would stop and talk to me and explain why he is leaving. then i would go out with him and walk him to his car and say goodbye and he would actually kiss me.
i frowned even more, close to crying, thinking how bad i really was. i took him for granted. i let him go just like that. my pride took over my ego and i just let, a very beautiful thing, go out of my life even though i knew he was sincere enough to skip a recording or a gig or a tour to come by my house to attend the dullest party in the whole world. i realized he was sincere. yes he was. coz if he wasnt, then he would have never flew to the philippines just to see me.
what a sad dream that was….
**********************
Sad isn’t it? I cried when I woke up.
Maybe the dream is telling me something precious would be gone forever if I don’t realize its worth in my life as soon as possible. Maybe it’s telling me something ain’t right, and I should make it right. Maybe it’s telling me that in my current situation, my pride is taking over my life and I would never have another chance if I let it take over.
Dreams… Oh well..
alien making earthly notes 